chapter three; let go.

*Stephanie's POV*

It's been a month since I moved to Chicago. Jonny and I have been hanging out a lot! Which is good, he's got me distracted from all of the things in my past. Ally and I went to a lot of the practices to support them and attended the game that we could. Ally and Brent were dating for a year before I moved and they were finally engaged. He took her to her favourite restaurant and got down on one knee and proposed. The wedding was set for the summer. Gabby was coming down to visit all of us and see how I was doing. When she got here, we all decided to go to a Hawks game.

I was getting ready in my room, and my door opened. It was Gabby. She sat down on my bed, "Steph I'm really glad to see you happy and getting yourself out there again." She said.

"I know. I feel a lot better and Jonny is really helping.."

"Have you told him"

"No, I'm not ready to yet. Plus he isn't even my boyfriend, we've just been hanging out."

"Do you like him.."

"Maybe," I said looking down at my feet. I really needed to paint my toenails.

"Steph, I know you better then that. I'm glad that you've found someone. I'm sure he will be your boyfriend soon enough, the girls have told me about him, he seems really sweet. I can't wait to meet him"

"I'm sure you'll like him"

"Me too, now hurry up let's go, we've got a hockey game to go to"

"Right," I sighed, the looked up and smiled, "We do" I kept smiling. We got to the area and did our usual routine of going to see the boys, but this time we cut it short since it was a game. Jonny came out and kissed me by surprise. I definitely was not expecting that, especially when we weren't actually 'together'. But I took all of it, then wrapped my arm tight around him, it felt so good to be wanted by someone. I introduced him to Gabby and she went all googly eyed, it was funny. Then she say Adam Burish and things changed for her eye sight, she locked in on him. We wished the boys good luck and went to our seats as warm-up started. Gabby was fixated on Burish, while I watched Jonny smile at me from the ice. Ally was playing with her engagement right, it was like her new thing but it was funny, her and Brent were to cute. Gina was gazing through the crowd for cute boys, she loved to have a little fun.

As the game ended I went out and waited by Jonny's car. I didn't want to leave Gabby at the condo her first night, be she had known Gina, Ally and Christina for as long as I have and she urged me to go be with Jonny. It was like she knew something was going to happen. He walked out, he had his suite on that he came to the game with on. It was pure black and he had a white shirt underneath with a little chest showing. I melted when he came to hug me. He took me back to his place where we popped in a movie and mad some popcorn. Jonny wrapped his arm around me and I leaned against his chest. The movie ended and I got up to go to the washroom, when I came back he was sitting up on the coach.

"Steph, this past month I've really gotten to know you,"

Only half of me.

"I really like and I want you to have this," He put his bracelet that he claimed to be his "lucky bracelet" around my wrist, "I want to take the next step in our relationship, of course if you want to"

"I would love that Jonny," He leaned in and kissed me. His hands ran threw my hair as I brushed the side of his face with mine. He carried me up to his bedroom bridal style, while I was giggling the whole way, about nothing. I felt good to laugh just over nothing. He kicked the door shut as I turned and wrapped my legs around his waste, and began to kiss him more. He set me down on the bed, as I took his shirt off. Both of our shirts were off, and his body was pressed up against mine, kissing me all over. One thing lead to another and I let him take control. I let myself go to someone for the first time and I wasn't scared to have it happen.

chapter two; happy.

*Stephanie's POV*

It's been a week since I moved here. I've got all my things put together and the girls helped me decorate my room. I haven't taken much time to venture around the city.. well I've just chosen not to. I haven't stepped out of the house for a week. I was still in this phase and it didn't seem it was going to end soon. On the plus side, I've been sober for 2 months.

I was sitting in the living room watching another movie, when Ally came and sat beside me. "Steph, you've gotta get out of the house,"

"I know and I will, soon." I replied.

"Well, Gina, Christina and I are going out to dinner with the boys tonight. We want you to come with us and meet them and get out from being stuck in here."

"I don't know" I looked away and back to the movie.

"You have no choice, "She laughed, "We're getting you out and about."

"Oh, I see how it is" I smiled, "I guess I'm going then."

"Yes you are. Go get ready and when Gina and I come back from grabbing a few things from the grocery store we can go"

I did as I was told. I went to my room and fiddled with a bunch of outfits, when I finally decided on one I put it on. I had a white v-neck tshirt, we a little knit sweater over top, with ripped jeans and black high heels. I didn't feel pretty, my dad wasn't here to tell me I looked beautiful. I wanted to change back into what I had on and go back to my movie. But Ally was right, I needed to get out of the condo. I finished curling my hair and waited in the kitchen with Chrisitina for Gina and Ally to come back. We both helped them put the little groceries away and got into Gina's car and headed to the restaurant. We sat down at our table and waited for the boys to get here. I looked up and seen them coming towards us. some of the Chicago Blackhawks players we sitting with us. I couldn't believe it, only if my dad was here. They sat down; Brent Seabrook (Ally's boyfriend, who greeted her with a kiss), Kris Versteeg, Patrick Sharp, Patrick Kane and Jonathan Toews. As Jonathan sat down, they were all introducing the boys to me but I was fixed on Jonathan. He smiled at me and I smiled back. I didn't usual smile back with the mood I've been in but this time I caught myself.

We ordered drinks, everyone but me had some kind of beer. I felt a little out of place. We then got dinner, I hadn't had a real meal in a long time. After about an hour of drinking, eating and just chatting I figured it was time to go, but Gina, Christina and Ally were having a good time and I didn't want to be a party pooper.

"Not be a downer, but are you guys ready to go?" I asked, looking over at the girls.

"20 more--" Ally started but Jonathan cut her off.

"I was just about to head out myself if you want a ride home?" He smiled.

"Oh, no it's fine I can --"

"I insist." This time he cut me off.

"Well, I suppose" I got up and said goodbye to everyone and headed to Jonathan's car. We got to the condo and he walked me up to the door, unexpectedly. I felt a conection with him, but I doubt he wanted to get involved with my life. He didn't know anything but once any one found out, they go running.

"I had a nice time tonight, " He said, "It was night meeting you,"

"Yeah, it was a good time. And nice to meet you to" I laughed.

"Uh, do you mind if I take your number?" He asked.

"Well...uhm, I suppose"

"Do you not want me to have it?"

"Well it's just, nevermind forget I said anything." I gave him my numbered and he smiled back at me, and I returned the smile. I closed the door behind me and leaned up a againest it with a smile still spread across my face. When the girls got home I explained to them what happened.

"I'm so proud that Jonny is making an effort. You need to get out more and Jon is a really sweet guy, he could do you some good" Christina mentioned.

"He only asked for my numbered" I laughed.

"I know, but it's Jon, he wouldn't do that if he were'nt interested."

"You think?"

"I know so, Steph. Give him a shot" After watching a movie with them all I went to bed. Jonny could do me some good, and hopefully it stayed good.

The next morning I woke up, I went downstairs and greeted Ally as I got some breakfast. Gina and Christina were still sleeping. As I sat down at the table my phone went off. It read an unknown name, but I answered anyways.

"Hello?"

"Hey, it's Jonny." I didn't take his number, that's why it was unknown.

"Oh hi" I smiled. Why was I smiling, he couldn't see me.

"I was wondering if you wanted to come to my practice today, then after we could do something. Maybe go out for lunch?"

"Uh yeah, that sounds fun" I smiled again.

"Okay, well practice starts at 12, see you then"

"Bye"

Click.

"Who was that" Ally asked.

"It was Jonny, he wants me to go to his practice then out for lunch."

"That's great Steph!" She smiled, "Do you want to just go to the practice together? I'm going over to see Brent"

"Sounds good" We both went and got changed the headed over to the arena a little early to see them before. I love the smell of arena and just hockey itself and it felt good to be around it again but it was tearing me apart at the same time.

"Hey girls" Brent came out and gave Ally a hug and kiss. They were so cute together. Then he was followed by Jon, who pulled me into a hug. I needed one to. His arms were toned and I could feel his muscles, he smelt good too, like Hollister cologne. We talked for a while then Ally and I joined some other fans in their seats. The boys goofed around with the kids that showed up to watch them, it was sweet how they loved just to get a chance to talk to a big hockey star. The practice lasted for about a hour and a half. Ally and I went down by the locker rooms and waited for the boys to shower and get dressed. As they finished, Ally went with Brent to his place and Jonny took me to this fancy lunch buffet. It was unexpected for something like a first date, if you want to call it that. We went up and got our food, I had a salad and a ham sandwich while Jon piled god knows what on to his plate.

"So tell me about yourself" He started as we sat down.

"Well, my life isn't that interesting.."

"Where are you from? You just moved here right?"

"Yeah, I'm from Oakville."

"Oh I know where that is! That's a really nice place. Why'd you decide to move here."

Shit I had to change the subject. I wasn't ready to talk about what happened, especially with someone I just met.

"Whoa, it's my turn to ask a question" I laughed.

"Fair enough"

"Why'd you ask me to lunch?"

"Well.. first off you looked stunning at dinner the other night."

Did he actually just say that? No one's completemented me other then my dad.

"And you seem interesting, I'd like to get to know you. Maybe hangout on my off days. Or after practices" He continued.

"Wow."

"What?"

"Uh nothing, just that was uhm, really nice. And thank you, plus I would enjoy that"

"Oh, well you're welcome then and good, how about Saturday? I can get you and the girls tickets to the game"

"That's be great, I'll let them know" I smiled. we finished our lunch and he drove me home. He walked me to my door again, then he hugged me goodbye. I kissed his cheek and thanked him again. As I shut the door, I was smiling and Gina and Christina came over and gave me a group hug.

"You know, for once in my life since the accident. I feel happy again and I like it" I said as they hugged me.

chapter one; chicago.

December, 2008.

I was driving home with my dad. We were heading back home from Toronto, we had just went to a Leafs game. I remember being daddy's little girl, we both had love for hockey and we always went to 3 games a year. I had just got my G2 and I was so excited to drive, and my dad was the only one who believed in me, but he always believed in whatever I did. We were about half an hour from home when it happened. Someone cut me off and I spun out of control, the snow made it hard to see and the ice didn't help either. The car flipped and then rolled into the ditch. I blacked out for a few seconds then woke up again. As I woke up I was being lifted out of the car, I seen someone on the other side cover his body with a black bag. I remember screaming for him, the tears rolling down my face. I was in pain, not just because I had a broken leg but because I had just killed my own father.

Present Day.

"Is everything okay!!" My sister, Gabby came running into my room. I woke up screaming again, crying and sweating.

"No, does it look fucking okay?" I snapped.

"Steph.."

"I'm sorry," I began to cry again. She came over and sat beside me on my bed, "Gabby something's wrong with me." I continued, "I'm going crazy."

"Steph, you're not crazy and nothing is wrong with you." She lied, "This is normal, you went through something that you don't through everyday, it will go away soon."

"No.. it won't. I am crazy. I've seen him."

"Steph, that's fine. It means he's with you and you believe he's here."

"I guess" She put me back to sleep, I loved having an older sister. It seemed like it was the only thing I did have these days. My mother hated me. She blamed the accident on me, and I let her force it into my head that it was my fault when it really wasn't, but I held on to that thought. It just wouldn't leave me.

I woke up at a normal time in the morning, I was leaving for Chicago. I was moving in with my best friends, Gina, Ally and Christina. They had a huge condo and I needed to get away from this town. I just got out of rehab. I went there because I became and alcoholic after the accident, that's the one thing I turned to trying to solve my problems but I knew if I didn't move I would turn back to it.

I had all my things packed except for the outfit, I guess you could call it, I was going to wear. I put on sweats and a big hoodie, "it would be cold in Chicago and I was being prepared" was my excuse. Before Ally left for Chicago to live with Gina and Christina, we had always studied fashion. It was our thing and Gina took it on when Ally moved there 3 years ago. It wasn't my usual self to not dress up but ever since the accident I haven't been myself and I just stopped caring. I threw all my things in my sister's car and she took me to the airport. My mom was MIA for saying goodbye, not a surprise. She dropped me off and I put everything in the luggage carrier, all my big belongings like my bed and car were being shipped down to Chicago in trucks. I hugged Gabby forever, I didn't want to leave her but I had to and she promised to come visit. With that I go on the plane, put my earphones in and listened to Miley Cyrus's cover of 'Every rose has it's thorn', it was my favourite song at the moment. The flight didn't last too long, I slept through most of it.

When I got off the plane I was greeted by my three best friends, they each gave me a hug and help put my stuff in the car. The city was beautiful. My dad always wanted to take me here to see a hockey game. He was a big Chicago and Leafs fan, with love for Pittsburgh too. I thought to myself 'I'm here dad,' I promised myself I would go to a game, just for him. I didn't really watch hockey anymore. It reminded me to much of him.

We got to the condo, it was huge. It was 3 stories and had a outlook on the city which was beautiful at night. We carried my stuff up to my room, they had put my bed together for me, another reason to love them all. I didn't unpack, I would get to that tomorrow, I put on my pj's, pulled down the covers on my bed and went to sleep, hoping I wouldn't wake up screaming.