chapter one; chicago.

December, 2008.

I was driving home with my dad. We were heading back home from Toronto, we had just went to a Leafs game. I remember being daddy's little girl, we both had love for hockey and we always went to 3 games a year. I had just got my G2 and I was so excited to drive, and my dad was the only one who believed in me, but he always believed in whatever I did. We were about half an hour from home when it happened. Someone cut me off and I spun out of control, the snow made it hard to see and the ice didn't help either. The car flipped and then rolled into the ditch. I blacked out for a few seconds then woke up again. As I woke up I was being lifted out of the car, I seen someone on the other side cover his body with a black bag. I remember screaming for him, the tears rolling down my face. I was in pain, not just because I had a broken leg but because I had just killed my own father.

Present Day.

"Is everything okay!!" My sister, Gabby came running into my room. I woke up screaming again, crying and sweating.

"No, does it look fucking okay?" I snapped.

"Steph.."

"I'm sorry," I began to cry again. She came over and sat beside me on my bed, "Gabby something's wrong with me." I continued, "I'm going crazy."

"Steph, you're not crazy and nothing is wrong with you." She lied, "This is normal, you went through something that you don't through everyday, it will go away soon."

"No.. it won't. I am crazy. I've seen him."

"Steph, that's fine. It means he's with you and you believe he's here."

"I guess" She put me back to sleep, I loved having an older sister. It seemed like it was the only thing I did have these days. My mother hated me. She blamed the accident on me, and I let her force it into my head that it was my fault when it really wasn't, but I held on to that thought. It just wouldn't leave me.

I woke up at a normal time in the morning, I was leaving for Chicago. I was moving in with my best friends, Gina, Ally and Christina. They had a huge condo and I needed to get away from this town. I just got out of rehab. I went there because I became and alcoholic after the accident, that's the one thing I turned to trying to solve my problems but I knew if I didn't move I would turn back to it.

I had all my things packed except for the outfit, I guess you could call it, I was going to wear. I put on sweats and a big hoodie, "it would be cold in Chicago and I was being prepared" was my excuse. Before Ally left for Chicago to live with Gina and Christina, we had always studied fashion. It was our thing and Gina took it on when Ally moved there 3 years ago. It wasn't my usual self to not dress up but ever since the accident I haven't been myself and I just stopped caring. I threw all my things in my sister's car and she took me to the airport. My mom was MIA for saying goodbye, not a surprise. She dropped me off and I put everything in the luggage carrier, all my big belongings like my bed and car were being shipped down to Chicago in trucks. I hugged Gabby forever, I didn't want to leave her but I had to and she promised to come visit. With that I go on the plane, put my earphones in and listened to Miley Cyrus's cover of 'Every rose has it's thorn', it was my favourite song at the moment. The flight didn't last too long, I slept through most of it.

When I got off the plane I was greeted by my three best friends, they each gave me a hug and help put my stuff in the car. The city was beautiful. My dad always wanted to take me here to see a hockey game. He was a big Chicago and Leafs fan, with love for Pittsburgh too. I thought to myself 'I'm here dad,' I promised myself I would go to a game, just for him. I didn't really watch hockey anymore. It reminded me to much of him.

We got to the condo, it was huge. It was 3 stories and had a outlook on the city which was beautiful at night. We carried my stuff up to my room, they had put my bed together for me, another reason to love them all. I didn't unpack, I would get to that tomorrow, I put on my pj's, pulled down the covers on my bed and went to sleep, hoping I wouldn't wake up screaming.